I know you are in there lurking around,
I saw your shadow and your constant frown.
You shouldn’t be here you hideous thing,
You’re taking over everything.
Thoughts, memories, hopes and dreams,
Are being drowned out by your haunting screams.
Stop locking the door, stop trying to hide,
I want to track you down and put you outside.
I can feel your footsteps pressing on my brain,
Trampling, eroding, will i ever be whole again?
You are a creature of darkness, pain, sorrow and dispair,
Why choose me for a home? Did you think i wouldn’t care?
You feel like oil i cant wash off, blackness under my skin,
I’d shower myself in acid, if it would kill the thing within.
You use me as a puppet, pulling strings to make me play,
Comedy or tragedy, which will i be today?
I think about calling you fred, my new imaginary friend,
But i wish you would drop dead and that would be the end.
Your creepy fingers keep grasping for my joy,
Turning it into grief for my still living boy.
Hope isn’t acceptable to you, you want me to cower at your feet,
To feel as numb as you do, for me to admit defeat.
I can feel your breath on my neck making my limbs feel like stone,
Each movement is a struggle, each struggle is mine alone.
You’ve made me into a ghost of the girl i once was,
A shell for you to inhabit, why? Just because.
Your touch is like ice trying to keep me frozen,
Death wont let me go, life is no longer golden.
You warm yourself in my anger and keep fueling the fire,
Can’t let go of the grief, keep its ugly head on a spire.
You keep pulling off the shelves bad memories, making me relive them again,
Can’t you read some happy ones? It’s like you feed off the pain.
No one knows the monster living in my head,
We all thought you as make believe that would hide under my bed.
But you monster are so real and you are now a part of me,
And when i look in the mirror it is always you i see.
I want to make you tame, put you in a cage,
If you must live inside my head, you must control your rage.
No one can know that you exist, no one can see your face,
You must stay in the shadows, keep in your place.
My fear and my dispair made you want to live with me,
But please stop opening my scars for everyone to see.
Maybe one day you will lift off this curse,
But for now you are here and maybe it could be worse.
Smile on the outside, no one can ever see,
The black and hideous monster who lives inside of me.